I really want to appreciate everyone that has contributed to my life in one way or another and I am grateful. If this is your first time, you’re welcome, my name is Oscar and I have erb’s palsy. I think you should read the part one for clarity. This piece is for everyone that has a life struggle.
I didn’t grow up with my dad around, we lost him when I was very young but there was this portrait in the sitting room that i grew up reading every time, it said;
All visitors bring happiness, some by coming and others by going
Living with erb’s palsy has made me group the human race into four categories based on their reaction towards me but I’ll be focusing on the fourth category. The categories include;
- Act normal guys (Kind of may favorite): They are too scared to ask what happened and I find it very funny. They just wait patiently till something prompts the conversation. Now the good side is that they try to study my life and follow me at my pace which is very… I just like that.
- Pity Party (Hmm…) : They are dramatic and can’t help but ask at first sight, they are very helpful and most times relate more than normal to what you might be going through. The downside is that they really don’t feel like you can handle any task cause of the excess emotion and sometimes they just don’t want you to feel stressed.
- Tough Love (Don’t say you can’t, say you’ll try): There is a very thin line between this group and the next, the separating factor is understanding, they understand you can’t, but feel you can find a way around. The downside is that they are very rude and don’t know when you’re at your limit but this guys have put one or two bricks in developing me.
- Offensive group (I still have to love them): I really paused before writing this group. I’ll break it down, they are the ones that see you and automatically think you’re using the condition as an excuse, that you’re lazy and just comfortable. They will ask what happened to you on the spot and ask if you’ve done anything about it. They don’t see you struggling, they just see someone that feels he is entitled to everyone’s help and attention. There is really a thin line between these and the tough love group.
A short story, this happened in 2018, my mum was at work and I had to go and buy drinking water. It is a pack of 40 bottles of water and I was to get three packs. I got to the store that day cheerful as always and eager to look around, I dragged out a cart and moved around the store checking off the list that contained other items. I proceeded to the checkout and told the cashier that I had to get three packs of water, she said I should go get another cart and load the packs of water into the it. I got to where the carts were packed and struggled to pull one out cause they were jammed together. I saw a guy coming to help but I had already drawn one out then he said, “Can’t you see the tires on that is bad”. I returned it and got another then moved to where the packs of water were.
I got to where the packs of water were stacked, trying to lift a pack and put it into the cart was a whole struggle, I had the metal in my braces coming out and from nowhere the same guy worked up to me and said, “Hey man let me give you a hand”. I was fixing the metal in my braces when he looked up and said, “So you think I’ll help you cause something is wrong with your hand or do you think I should be your slave? Why can’t you just help yourself ? ” I had finished adjusting the braces when he had put a pack into the cart and said I should do the rest cause I’m using my disability as an excuse to seek for his help. I tried lifting the second and he helped with the third. As I walked to the cashier, he came with me telling me how I should stop using my hand as an excuse and the world is tough. I smiled, called an uber and left.
Asking for help is not an easy thing to do, especially when it is in a scenario where a regular person can just do it. Saying I can’t is not easy too, nobody loves it. Meeting this kind of people starts from childhood, oh because of his hand he thinks he can act stupid and get away with it, no I was just acting like every other kid regardless of my status. Oh it’s cause of his hand is their favorite line. it could be something as little as changing the trash of a very complicating trash can and you just don’t want to spill everything everywhere then you ask for help and get you’ve seen me do it many times but you forget I saw you do it with two hands.
I took that experience like every other one I’ve had, a building block. This is just me trying to reach out to a particular group of people that have this misconception. I hope you understand the next person you encounter.
I was so serious in this post but don’t worry the next one will be in a lighter mood
Thanks, Let’s do this some other time 🙂
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